You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
