It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
