I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
