I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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