Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
