I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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