Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
