so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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