She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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