break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's blow job season.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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