Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
