I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
