dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
