Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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