You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
