She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
