i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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