I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
