dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
