operation harelip BJ is a go
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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