Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
