There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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