How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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