just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
