Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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