Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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