we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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