i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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