i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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