she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
