1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
