I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
