I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
