found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
