so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
