so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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