apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
