Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
