A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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