dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
