she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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