This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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