I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
