College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
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