how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
