If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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