We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
