my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
