she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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