What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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