ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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