I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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