He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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