Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
