2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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