at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
