I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
