Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
