I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize