A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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