You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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