Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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