I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
