this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
