Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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